Am I unsuitable for considering this can be a deal-breaker?
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Expensive James,
I’m a 73-old-woman who has been relationship a person of the identical age. We get alongside famously apart from one downside: His earlier girlfriend nonetheless lives in his dwelling, which he left to permit her to proceed residing there. For greater than a 12 months, he has been staying at a pal’s second dwelling, however now it’s time for him to return to his personal home. This implies he’ll quickly be residing along with his ex, as he refuses to vary the state of affairs. Why? Her monetary state of affairs will not be good, and he feels responsible. He doesn’t appear to know why I’d have an issue with any of this, as he professes to be in love with me. However I don’t suppose I can proceed this relationship so long as he’s residing along with his outdated girlfriend. Am I being unreasonable?
Expensive Reader,
Effectively, folks come to all kinds of bonkers preparations to get by way of this life collectively, don’t they? Two within the basement, one within the attic; three days on this condominium, 4 in that; I’ll take the sofa, you’re taking the mattress, she’ll transfer to Sweden, and the canine can sleep the place he likes. However for the bonkers association to work, all events have to subscribe to roughly the identical model of actuality.
Which isn’t the case right here. You and your boyfriend—and I’m portray a pleasant, presumably utterly faulty, image of him in my thoughts: a hater of change, a pleaser of individuals, a postponer of choices, slothful, benevolent, a person after my very own coronary heart, actually—have reached the outdated Frostian fork, the place the place the 2 roads diverge.
Why can’t all of us simply get alongside? he needs to know. You, me, my ex-girlfriend, and the mailman who stops in for tea. What’s so sophisticated about that?
However to you, it’s insanity. His ex-girlfriend? Residing with him in his home? Sharing a house with him, a home area that also has bits of their outdated relationship mendacity round in it like used automotive elements, a carburetor right here and a windshield wiper there? It’s an insupportable state of affairs. And I believe you must belief your self right here. Your boyfriend is performing up. He says he’s in love with you, however he’s not doing an excellent job of listening to you—listening to you, as the children say.
My recommendation: Kick him round a bit, metaphorically talking. He might have developed thick, woolly layers of insulation round his mind to guard him from the painfulness and problem of life. You will need to penetrate them, batter or needle your means by way of them. Assist him perceive how foolish he’s being. He’ll get it, finally, or he gained’t. And if he doesn’t, you’ll know what to do.
Dancing from one problem to a different,
James
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