So I discussed my predicament within the Nats thread and, to not bore you, however I’m in a hospital doing inpatient rehab in anticipation of being let out on the eve of the Grand Départ. I’ve been watching Unchained on Netflix all week. Life may very well be worse!
That stated, the largest limiting issue is neurofatigue (I desire drained legs), and everybody —docs, household, work colleagues, SBNation group — have insisted that I prioritize relaxation over such pursuits as producing content material across the 2024 Tour de France. So I remorse to say that I can not preview the Tour this yr OK superb, however I’m going to need to maintain it temporary. Due to this fact I offer you… The Stroke Sufferer’s One Sentence Information to the Groups of the 2024 Tour de France!
[Warning: my ability to distinguish reality from Unchained is tenuous at best. So if these previews read as the plot of Season 3, I apologize.]
Alpecin Deceuninck: Van der Poel is like Jasper’s on-bike sports-dad, exhibiting him the best way, giving him a hand up, weathering his outbursts. Making all of it OK.
Arkéa-B&B Motels: I just like the technique of bringing a classics lineup to the Tour, why sit again and simply settle for that it is a stage race?
Astana Qazaqstan: A “run it again with an ever getting older Mark Cavendish” roster? Wow haha man, my mind actually is scuffling with the idea of time. Are you able to think about if that have been this yr?
Bahrain Victorious: Plenty of groups with few good choices would kill to have somebody as dependable as Matej Mohorič.
BORA Hansgrohe: They constructed a group particularly to cease Visma-LAB, and it might work. That’s the excellent news…
Cofidis: 50% of life is simply exhibiting up, proper?
Decathlon AG2R: I do know it’s arduous to stay with a plan that didn’t work final time, however Ben O’Connor (4th in Giro) looks as if he might have helped right here.
EF Schooling – EasyPost: Richard Carapaz was one delivery of a kid away from a pre-Tour interrupting trifecta (sickness after a crash). The stage hunters — Bettiol, Powless — will most likely mitigate the harm although.
Groupama FDJ: In all probability too quickly for the Lennaissance, however simply in case, lay off the post-race beers.
INEOS Grenadiers: I might enterprise a guess that Bernard Hinault’s favourite rider on the Tour is Tom Pidcock.
Intermarché – Wanty: A fiver on Hugo Web page for a stage win. Any takers?
Israel PremierTech: Derek Gee is definitely probably the most related bicycle owner IPT has ever delivered to the Tour. Low bar, except you have been into the Froome nostalgia laps.
Lidl – Trek: Doubt Giulio Ciccone’s skill to get consideration and even win one thing at your peril. Additionally in search of Mads vs Wout battle for Inexperienced.
Lotto – DSTNY: As to that final sentence, a part of the calculation is that De Lie is right here to stop Jasper from rolling off the dash wins.
Movistar: Is that this the yr they shed their picture because the estranged uncle who exhibits as much as Thanksgiving yearly and nods off on the desk?
Soudal Fast Step: Remco Evenepoel’s Tour debut is inspiring much less confidence than the Cybertruck, however the actual story is Fast Step bringing a GC group to the Tour in any respect. Not even hedging their bets with an emergency sprinter!
Crew dsm-firmenich: Fairly frisky lineup circa 2018. Jakobsen is the one one for whom the bloom will not be off the rose, however the outcomes are going within the incorrect route.
Crew Jayco AlUla: Can we simply ponder how wild the two-up Yates Brothers escape was in Bilbao final yr?
Crew Visma Lease a Bike: A yr after the best grand tour season ever, their luck working out appears inevitable… that’s biking. Now watch Jorgenson make the rostrum.
TotalEnergies: I’m on physician’s orders to wrap this up. transferring proper alongside…
UAE Crew Emirates: It’s not sufficient that they’ve already received the Tour. They’re additionally going to maintain their stranglehold on the white jersey and put as much as for guys within the prime ten. Sturdy La Vie Claire vibes.
Uno – X Mobility: This lineup introduced my mind to a whole halt.
