Heads up! Simply when it was secure to fully take a look at, packs of younger ne’er-do-wells on electrical Citi Bikes are coming to your headphones:
The father or mother and “reactionary” (as a commenter referred to me just lately) in me is outraged and disgusted by the craven conduct of those youths and their wanton disregard for the regulation, whereas the victim-blaming New Yorker in me is astonished that anyone feels snug strolling round in public carrying $600 headphones:
Look, I’m not justifying the thieves’ conduct in any approach. No one is entitled to steal, and no one deserves to get robbed, and you ought to be secure to put on the fruits of your labor (or on this case of your father’s labor) proudly as you stroll across the metropolis. Nonetheless, there’s the way in which issues ought to be and the way in which they’re, and this actually does really feel like strolling round with $100 payments taped to your head.
That’s why I at all times put on camouflage headphones:
If somebody’s not already promoting hair covers for this stuff then there’s your million greenback concept, you’re welcome.
After all, good politicians know higher than responsible juvenile delinquents or individuals carrying costly headphones. In case you’re going to pander, the good transfer is to blame the e-bikes:
It looks like all people in New York Metropolis is using e-bikes, and all people in New York additionally hates them, type of like how Taylor Swift is the largest pop star on the earth and likewise will get booed on the Tremendous Bowl. There’s actually lots about e-bikes that annoy me, too, although in fact the state of affairs is much extra nuanced than the politicians and the anti-e-bike set make it out to be, and I’m not up to now gone as to overlook there’s a giant distinction between a motorcycle with {an electrical} help and this goddamn factor, which ought to be rolled proper off the Manhattan Bridge:
Smug as they might be, Streetblog can be proper that there’s extra to e-bikes than simply “chaos:”
And that the actual victims in all of this can certainly be Brooklyn dads named Silas who shuttle their youngsters round on e-bikes:
Although I don’t know the way useful it’s for them to level this out, because the solely factor that makes sure New Yorkers angrier than roving packs of hoodlums is Brooklyn dads named Silas who shuttle their youngsters round on e-bikes. They’re much more despised than meals supply individuals.
As for me, I simply stay glad that e-bikes have made individuals in New York Metropolis overlook how a lot they hate common bikes, and have additionally made bike thieves fully bored with them. I notice I’m tempting destiny within the worst potential approach by saying this, however I’ll nonetheless share that I don’t significantly fear when locking up a motorcycle like this anymore:
It’s now the meals supply business that’s driving the bicycle black market, which is why they’ll stab you with a screwdriver to your e-bike:
In the meantime, no one’s doing DoorDash on a Platypus, and you may’t match a 30-piece crew pack from Wingstop in a Sackville BagBoy. It’s not even insulated for chrissake! Positive, I suppose somebody from the RBW Homeowners Bunch might cyberstalk me and steal my Zefal body pump, however total I like my odds.
No, I’d fear much more if I rode a bicycle hearse, since you might match a shitload of Uber Eats in that child:
Apparently it’s from France. Did anyone say, “Rene Hearse?”
Sorry.
However sure, it’s excellent for that environmentally pleasant funeral service you’ve been planning:
What, you imply you haven’t been contemplating your inexperienced burial choices?
I’m undecided why they have been afraid to G**gle it. I did, and it took me two seconds to be taught that aquamation is the way in which to go:
I’m offered. Once I’m gone simply aquamate me and put me within the cat field:
It’s the cycle of life.
Talking of burning out, Roger De Vlaeminck has had it with These Youngsters As we speak:
In the event that they’re not working round stealing headphones then they’re afraid of burning out too shortly by racing an excessive amount of:
Actually it makes him sick:
Maybe they may be taught a factor or two about fortitude from this rider:
Apparently he traded in camel cheese and even needed to carry out his personal dentistry with a multi-tool:
It’s actually superb what some individuals will do to keep away from truly working.
