It’s an excellent factor that Australia is all the best way on the opposite facet of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is someway getting combined up within the World Bare Bike Trip:
The World Bare Bike Trip combines the 2 issues I imagine folks shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Certain, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t should cope with both of them on my method to work. Nonetheless, some folks really feel fairly otherwise, and so they relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The concept of World Bare Bike Trip individuals attempting vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique elements is now going to hang-out my goals.
In fact, that is Australia, so whereas the individuals gained’t be carrying garments, they are going to be carrying helmets:
It appears to me when you actually wished to make some extent about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorized vehicle industrial complicated you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Trip. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of when you’re going to fall off your bike, which might you slightly be carrying: a helmet, or pants? “Certain, I’ve obtained a saddle sore the dimensions of a cantaloupe on my scranus and street rash alongside the whole size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be carrying a helmet!” However I assume folks in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they’ll journey round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the perfect automobile for driving bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare driving, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out wonderful airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However after all the World Bare Bike Trip isn’t about sensible concerns, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that understanding for you, Australia?
And don’t overlook a very powerful consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy must be apparent to anybody who’s learn the newest Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their emblem is even produced from “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Trip? Physique paint? Paint produced from biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking business goes to eliminate clothes altogether. As an alternative, you’ll journey bare, and so they’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the large journey. Possibly it’ll even include a complete banana peel you should utilize as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the most important supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.
