I like him, however I don’t know if I can stay within the U.S. endlessly.
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Expensive James,
I’m 27 years outdated, I stay in New York, and I’m in a wholesome, loving relationship with a man I met right here. He’s caring and hardworking, and my household and mates love him for me. The issue is, I don’t know if I wish to stay in the USA long run. I’m from overseas—a rustic far sufficient away that my associate has by no means been—and I moved to the U.S. on a brief work visa. As my relationship turns into extra severe, I grapple with the considered having to be right here endlessly.
I by no means grew up pondering I’d migrate wherever completely. I’m very near my household again residence, and I’ve a snug, if not comfortable, life there. Within the U.S., I take care of the social, political, cultural, and authorized hurdles of being a foreigner in a spot the place the present local weather isn’t at all times probably the most pleasant. I don’t have the monetary or private freedoms I would really like. I take care of racists. I get homesick.
My associate loves his job, it pays extraordinarily effectively, and it legally ties him to working inside the USA. Mainly, he might by no means transfer for me. However after I take into consideration committing to him, I can’t assist mourning all the pieces I think about I’d be giving up. Perhaps I’m simply being younger and silly and don’t understand that my issues are a speck within the grand scheme of issues. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll be able to inform me?
Expensive Reader,
As an expat, self-transplanted from England to be in America with my American spouse, I really feel you. It is a lovely, loopy, wide-as-you-like nation, cruel in some methods, impossibly beneficiant in others, and for higher or worse I grew to become myself right here. That’s one of many issues America can do. No good points with out losses, although, and I really feel the pull of residence too: all of the events missed, the conversations that by no means occurred, the hangs unhung … It’s form of a shadow on me, my life’s darkish facet of the moon.
However let me ask you this: Are you thrilled to be with this man? I imply thrilled to bits, thrilling to his contact, all of that? You say he’s caring, hardworking, your loved ones loves him—all good things. Nice stuff. And I don’t wish to do him an injustice. However someplace, at some degree, in some layer of your being, you’ve received to be thrilled. I believe maybe if you happen to have been thrilled, you wouldn’t be asking your self these questions.
I could possibly be mistaken, although, and the 2 of you might need a scorching and vibrant factor that you’ve got modestly under-described in your letter. Regardless of the case, right here’s my recommendation: Don’t go away. America is a problem. America is an invite. America places you in your mettle. Particularly proper now, in (to make use of your phrase) the “present local weather” of the USA: America wants you!
Studying the information and listening to Dangerous Brains,
James
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