Since I’m merely a semi-professional bicycle blogger and never truly engaged within the shopping for and promoting of biking gear (until you depend promoting my very own used bikes) I not often learn the trades, however every now and then I do check out Bicycle Retailer, and I used to be relieved to see that the bicycle business has not in truth been destroyed:
I’m no businessperson, however I’m fairly positive it’s excellent news when your factories nonetheless exist, and so total I stay bullish on the state of the business.
Higher nonetheless, I see that Mips has launched its 2023 Sustainability Report, and so they’ve managed to cut back their emissions!
Mips in fact is the helmet expertise that stands for “Multi-directional Affect Safety System,” and will not be confused with “Moops:”
If there are two issues I’m deeply involved about, it’s helmet use and the state of the planet:
Due to this fact, I learn the report [PDF] with nice curiosity, and for those who’re something like me you’ll discover this picture of an individual launching himself right into a desert panorama deeply relatable:
This is sort of a pet meals firm placing out its personal sustainability report and utilizing the picture of a lion tamer:
Or a cutlery firm utilizing a picture of a knife thrower:
But oddly many cycling-related firms haven’t but discovered you’re alleged to distance your self from the freaks with a dying want, not use them to embody the spirit of your product.
Although I suppose they’re within the helmet enterprise, so possibly it’s extra like DuPont utilizing a knife thrower to advertise Kevlar, which I suppose is sensible in spite of everything, what he hell do I do know?
Anyway, Mips shouldn’t be a helmet firm within the conventional sense; somewhat, they create “helmet options” and license this expertise to numerous manufacturers and producers (resembling Giro) as a “Mind Safety System:”
Based on the sustainability report, Mips noticed web gross sales of SEK357 million in 2023, which is like 33 million American Enjoyable Tickets:
That is down from the SEK563 million they noticed in 2022 and the SEK608 million they noticed in 2021, which I’m assuming was a results of the Pando Years, when a quick mania for each bicycles and PPE swept throughout the developed world.
In fact, for those who’re an investor, you don’t prefer to see Mips gross sales taking place:
And sure, Mips is publicly traded:
This implies Mips has acquired to offer their buyers one thing to be ok with. Alas, because the bike growth recedes into our collective helmet mirror, Mips should grapple with the truth that, regardless of their unquenchable thirst for equipment (particularly baggage), the world’s remaining gravelistas can solely put on so many helmets as they’ve however one head every to offer for his or her life-style:
And so as an alternative Mips is boasting about their sustainability accomplishments:
In case you’re an investor, that is like going into the hospital for an operation and waking as much as discover that they didn’t take away your infected appendix, however they did wash and elegance your hair.
Additionally, Mips purchased a bit of a sensor firm:
Hey, your drivetrain is now tethered to your cellphone and powered by batteries, so why ought to your helmet be any completely different?
I’m going to offer them the advantage of the doubt and assume this expertise has improved since I attempted it out again in 2016:
Not solely does helmet sensor expertise name 911 for you whenever you crash, but it surely additionally retains you entertained between crashes:
Ultimately with the assistance of AI it’s going to additionally submit the story of your crash on to social media, full with footage and the compulsory “My helmet saved my life” conclusion–until you fail to outlive, wherein case it’s going to substitute that with a GoFundMe on your designated beneficiary.
Sorry.
However sure, Mips is set to develop regardless of diminished gross sales, and their objective is to turn into “the apparent accomplice to all related helmet manufacturers:”
And to ultimately attain full world domination:
To emphasise this, they embrace the picture of some path bro humping his bike in mid-air:
Why should these firms current biking as bizarrely as doable always? Once you see an advert for an erectile dysfunction remedy you see, oh, I dunno, an older couple holding palms, not some man in a spiked leather-based bodysuit fucking a watermelon. And path bro right here is the watermelon-fucker’s biking equal.
It was at this level I started to understand the folks at Mips could also be whole megalomaniacs, as a result of not solely do they wish to take over the world, however they’re going to singlehandedly change its temperature:
To me, that is the proper summation of our trendy age: create one thing no one wants within the first place, hyperlink it to an enormous drawback, after which faux you’re fixing the issue. Like, if helmet overproduction actually is an existential risk to the planet, shouldn’t we cease making the fucking helmets? Sure, I do know some types of biking are riskier than others, however what proportion of the world’s riders are watermelon-fuckers anyway?
1%? .5%? Additionally, and I do know that is going to sound harsh, however does anyone actually care concerning the watermelon-fuckers? Like, I don’t need something unhealthy to occur to them, however for those who launch your self into the desert, invert your self, and take a hand of the handlebars, ought to I actually be involved on your well-being? It looks like there was a time not that way back in human historical past the place for those who needed to do shit like that it was your drawback.
However no, we want a complete international provide chain so we are able to outfit a tiny minority of watermelon-fuckers. I imply take a look at all this shit simply to make a foam biking hat!
In fact Mips understands it’s going to take greater than excessive risk-takers to maintain them, and that’s why they’re very enthusiastic about urbanization and extra folks crashing on e-bikes:
Extra and quicker bikes with batteries means quicker crashes, which suggests extra and higher helmets with batteries. And that’s a win for the planet.
